Woke up.
Oh hey, no snow.
Radio Santa says there’s a pandemic on. Whatever that is.
Don’t go out, it says. That’s easy. I don’t generally step out till mid-November anyway.
Wear a mask. Hmmm. I have a few dotted around from office parties: Rudolf, Snowman, the Hulk, Batman… Not sure why they’d want to wear a mask if they’re not going out, but there you go, humans, eh…
Think I’ll do some yoga. Where did I leave my mat?
Have just been searching for it. The elves used it for insulation. Perhaps I’ll have some Coca Cola instead.
….
No Cola. The little b******* have drunk it all. Need to get some more.
Hmmm. Don’t go out. Wear a mask.
All very well, but what about shopping? I need Cola! Online shopping… What does it say here… No slots available.
Ridiculous. Oh wait - senior citizens, priority slots. I’m a senior citizen, aren’t I? Been around longer than most of these pipsqueak humans, should count for something.
…
So I just got off the phone. Lengthy discussion. Transpires they don’t deliver to the North Pole. Apparently, nobody does. I just deliver from the North Pole. Then he had the nerve to ask if he could have his present now. Like, eight months early. To save time… I ask you.
I’m off to bed.